My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
