Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
