I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
