you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
