My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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