I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
