She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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