Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
