I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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