to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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