is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
