Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We have started to decorate penises.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
