So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
