Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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