I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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