If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
