He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
