We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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