He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
