i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
