Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
