your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
