after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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