After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
