Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
