I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
