Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
