Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
