His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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