so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
