It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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