The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
