I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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