a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
