youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
