I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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