so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
