she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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