she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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