Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
