We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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