I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
