"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
