I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
