My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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