It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
