so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
