I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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