I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
