you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
