Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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