someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
