Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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