At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
