Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
