I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you mean i was at the winter classic?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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