I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
