why didn't you poke me back
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
