you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
