I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
