Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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