i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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