Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
