is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Boobs are out for the taking
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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