I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
