I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
