Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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