so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
